Friday, May 6, 2016

Product Review & Project Recap: Red Paint, Lacquer, Brick Rub, and a Crusty-Ass Curb

Today we are reviewing some quasi “oddball” items, but they are things that every skate DIY’er should know about. Moreover, I’ll share how we transformed a totally unskateable curb into a local hot spot.

Product Review Items: 

1.    Rust-oleum “Professional High Performance Protective Enamel” paint (“Safety Red, K7764”), $35-$55 per gallon. You can get smaller amounts for much cheaper.

2.    Clear, spray-on, Lacquer (any brand will suffice), about $5.00

3.    Concrete Brick Rub (tool), about $10.00

Short Version: Take a super crusty parking block, brick rub it, give it two (or more) coats of red paint, and after the paint dries, spray it with lacquer. You will now have a kick-ass curb that will slide and grind like crazy.

Long Versio
n: Last year we started a skate collective, as a local chapter of The Build Project (kicked off by Real, Anti-Hero, etc.). One of our smaller projects was to paint some local curbs and parking blocks. None of us had ever painted curbs before. We had no idea what the best type of paint was, how much to use, how to seal it, etc. In short, we had no fucking idea what we were doing. I solicited help from numerous “curb consultants,” and was given several different suggestions. Rustoleum “Professional High Performance Protective Enamel” paint kept coming up again and again. A friend ordered some on-line, but they wouldn’t ship it our state (MA) because it was “too volatile.” Leave it to us to inadvertently order “bomb making” material. There was an alternate version which they would ship, so that’s what we ended up with (the alternate version is what I am reviewing. Not really sure what the originally ordered version is/was).  Once we had the paint, the brushes, and the brick-rub, it was time to get down to bid’ness.

First, we painted a local curb that was made of marble. When we were done, it skated great. That said, it skated well before we painted it, too. The REAL test was going to be on a few parking blocks we had our eyes on. These blocks had never been painted, even when they were first manufactured. They had been long abandoned, and were quite weathered and corroded. Crusty-as-fuck. Even with wax, they didn’t slide. Grind? Forget about it. Would painting these actually make them skateable? I had deep skepticism. Take a look for yourself. This is one the blocks before we did anything to it. These photos aren’t pretty. The curb has a face that only a true curb junkie could love.



BRICK RUB: One of the guys in our collective extolled the virtues of “concrete brick rubs.” I had never heard of these things before. They are used to smooth out edges of bricks, and hardened concrete. Essentially, they are just really gnarly pieces of sandpaper for really gnarly materials. I was told that if you, “Just smooth the edge with a brick rub, and add some wax, you can skate any ledge.” Yeah. Right. Nike really cares about skateboarding, too.


Well, it was time to put this brick-rub thing to the test. I took it, and “sanded down” the edges of the parking blocks. It certainly had a dramatic impact on the way the edges LOOKED, as it smoothed out all the kinks and gnarly spots, but there was no chance that just a bit of wax was going to make these monster crust blocks skateable. To be honest, I was skeptical that the paint would have much of an impact, too. That quickly changed once I started painting the curb. The paint was thick as hell, and I painted the blocks with really thick coats. By the time the curb was ¼ way painted, it started to look like a “real” parking block. I let the first coat dry for about 18 hours, and then added a second coat. After 24 hours I added a layer of the spray-on Lacquer (that shit dries super-fast). At this point, the blocks were GLOWING with color. They were begging to be skated, almost mocking me to even try grinding them. Yet, I was still a bit skeptical as to how well all of this was actually going to work. Indys, don’t fail me now, it’s show time. Five minutes later I was hitting all kinds of board/tail/nose slides across both blocks. Grinds were almost effortless. My mind was melting. I was completely blown away. This now totally skateable curb was its own, perfect, self-contained skatepark. There were other suggestions/methods made about how to treat/paint curbs, and we may try those in the future, but for now I can say with 100% certainty, that the method described above will indeed transform an unskateable, crusty-ass curb into something you will love. I have seen the transformation with my own eyes. The magic is real.



            
 





Monday, March 14, 2016

Wisdom From the Acient Masters of Alt.Skate-Board (Part 10)

Thoai Tran wrote 14 installments of Zen and Skateboarding. Here is Part 10. See introductory comments I wrote on this post for full context of the entire series.

Part Ten: Four Elements
Shi, who has just started skating several months ago, came up to the Ch'an master and said:

" I am only a beginner. I love skating because there is so much to do on this simple board. There are so many styles, so many people who can work magic with their board. But my question to you, oh venerable one, is how I can tell who are the good skaters? What tricks must I do to be considered good? What advice can you give me, oh venerable one?

The Ch'an master pointed to the distant sea and answered:

" My young friend, you want to know how you can tell good skating? It is very simple....go to that distant sea, and count the number of grains found on that beach. Then you will truly grasp what is good in skateboarding..."

Shi bowed his head and continued:

" Do you mean to say that a tailslide is just as beautiful as an intricate flip trick? That cannot be! Something as intricate and complex must be better...I have spent days practicing on this particular one, and minutes landing a tailslide! How can that be?"

The Ch'an master pointed to the skies above and answered:

" My young friend, the universe that we find ourselves under is infinite and all-encompassing. All the things we see are manifestations of one energy, being converted from one form to another, but never created or destroyed. Both a tail slide and a more complicated flip trick are part of this infinite energy flow; each is a variation of that which is already perfect and complete...You add or remove energy; just as you cannot add or subtract beauty to that which is already perfect and constant..."

Shi bowed his head once more. So he continued..

" Oh venerable one, so what is the purpose of skating then, if beauty doesn't exist? If everything is relative, then aren't skaters just subjecting themselves to a trivial activity that has no meaning or relevance? I think that skaters must have a goal! Without one, it is illegitimate...meaningless! My goal is to become professional before I turn 20! It gives my skating meaning..."

The Ch'an master pointed to the burning sun and remarked:
 
" In the relentless heat of the tundra,
a lion lies on the crusted and burning dirt.
Under a shriveled tree that has lost its life
to the flames of its stark reality,
it exists where no other beasts have dared to venture
or embark through the burning desolation...

The lion has no reason to stay or not to stay. It is perfectly content with its own nature..."

Shi reflected for a moment. He continued...

" Oh venerable one, then what are the important things in skating then? How should I approach my skating then? What should I look for? "

The Ch'an master scooped a handful of dirt with his hand and answered:

" All the minerals and elements necessary for life are found in this moist soil that I have in my hand..."

 He handed Shi a shovel and told him to plant a young sapling on top of the distant hill..

Wisdom From the Acient Masters of Alt.Skate-Board (Part 9)

Thoai Tran wrote 14 installments of Zen and Skateboarding. Here is Part 9. See introductory comments I wrote on this post for full context of the entire series.

Part Nine: Clean Karma
The Ch'an master was once approached by a group of skaters. They all exclaimed: " Master, we have heard of your wisdom and have traveled long to ask you to tell us the secrets to skating well. We will wait here patiently for you. We do not mind staying here for hours listening to your infinite wisdom. Teach us..."

The Ch'an master looked at them keenly, pointed his finger at their boards, and replied: "Secret to skating well: if it rolls, then push it."

The Ch'an master was once approached by an older skater who wanted to learn about harmony. He implored: "You, oh great Master Ch'an, know the secrets of being in a peaceful state with oneself and the universe. How do I know if I am at peace with my skating? Is there something special I should feel? Is there a criterion that must be met to be in complete harmony with my skating? What are the rules that I must follow to be like you, oh great venerable master? "

The Ch'an master looked at the old skater, but did not answer. The skater was suddenly enlightened.

The Ch'an master was visited by an angry skater who cried out agitatedly: " I have this board! I can land tricks so easily one day. But now, I can't land anything! " He threw his board twenty feet away. It landed with a thump.

The Ch'an master answered: " Light too consists of both particles and waves. When one takes either away, one ceases to see. " The blind skater suddenly saw.

The Ch'an master visited a skatespot where a girl was skating by herself. She told Master Ch'an her problem: " I don't know of too many girls that pursue this art as fervently as I have. But I find myself alone. The guys look at me differently, as though my art is a joke to them. I am so frustrated!"

The Ch'an master calmly taught: " A single ripple that emanates from a point in the middle of a pond always start small. But with time, it becomes bigger and bigger, as it reaches for the edge of the pond; and ultimately, it will encompass everything along its path. You who find yourself alone at skatespots, reflect on this..."

An angry skate items distributor accosted the Ch'an master and shouted: "Who the hell you think you are telling all the kids not to worry about the clothes? Fashion gives the kids a sense of identity, of belonging, of being accepted by their peers. It is impossible for a kid to be a complete skater if he isn't sporting the latest wear!"

The Ch'an master thus spoke: "Your shoelace is untied. An untied shoelace prevents you from walking properly and speedily. One trips over one's ignorance, so it is better to take it off and walk barefooted. " The Ch'an master walked away...the owner tripped.

Two skaters approached the Ch'an master and asked him to judge which of the two is better. The first skater ollied a garbage can. The second fronside 180 the same garbage can. The first 360 flip it. The second switch 360 flip it. so on and so on and so on. The skaters nervously asked: "Master Ch'an, which of us is the better skater."

The Ch'an master threw some wrappings in the garbage and said: "Winners always put unnecessary trash in the garbage. " Both skaters were losers.

So said the Ch'an Master...

One day, the Ch'an master came to the town...

The first skater, a weary veteran of many years, approached him and said: " Oh venerable sage, I have skated for many years, and have exhausted all the tricks found in magazines and videos. I did all the styles: vert, street, free. I have gone through the cycle of sponsorship and traveled around the workd to give demos. I don't know what to do now..."

So the Ch'an master advised: "Now it is time to go skating."

The next skater, dressed in the latest style, came up to the master and asked: " Oh enlightened one, what kind of shoes do you recommend for skating? When I go to the skateshop, what kind of things should I look for in a skateshoe?"

So the Ch'an master answered: "When looking for skate shoes, ask yourself the following question: what kind of shoes does the hawk wear while it is soaring gracefully in the air? Then the perfect shoe shall be manifested immediately."

Another skater spoke about girls. He said: "I notice that a lot of girls have been interested in me ever since I started skating, which is cool and all, but sometimes it's kinda annoying. What advice can you give me about this?"

The Ch'an master replied: " My young friend, it has always been known that crossing a horse with a donkey gives a mule - an animal that is not capable of being productive."

Next, a woman came up and shouted: " I think skaters are a bunch of degenerates! All they do is skate, skate, and skate! Those baggy clothes they wear are disgusting! Tell your friends they are all losers and I hope they break their bones!"

The compassionate one directed to the audience of skaters: " My skating friend, a great boulder on top of that mountain cannot be moved by powerful earthly winds. Likewise, a mind in complete harmony with one's skating is unmoved by words that blow out of other's mouths. Indeed, you are all losers." Nobody argued...

A young skater spoke rather sincerely: " I know this old guy who skates by me. Often, he tried to give me advices about skating, which is kinda lame because his old school style is completely different from mine. I just laugh and skate away because it's like comparing apples to oranges, am I right oh venerable sage?"

The Ch'an master answered with patience: " An elderly man who uses medicinal practices to help others is often called "doctor." A sick man who refuses his prescribed medicine is often called "stupid.""

So taught the Ch'an master.


Thursday, February 25, 2016

Brands and Being: We Are What We Have Been Becoming

     A recurring theme of this blog is “What does it mean to be a skateboarder?” and/or, “How does involvement in skateboarding, and skate culture, transform one’s Being, identity, and self-understanding?” This post is another dive into those questions, with an eye towards skateboard brands. Throughout my 31-year relationship with skateboarding, there have always been companies, brands, decks, imagery, etc. that I identified with, and others that I avoided like the plague. This is true with most skaters. These associations, and dis-associations, are extensions of our own self-understanding and being. We are who we have been becoming.

     “It [skateboarding] is as much the act of skating, as it is the discovery of what you are all about.” -Julien Stranger, Tent City, at 1min 5sec (2004)

     “There exists a longstanding argument that graphics don’t really matter. Those who harbor this glib opinion are shortsighted at best, because the importance of graphics runs deeper than inconsequential kiddy trappings—perhaps even more so now that corporate America has seized upon skateboarding and conveniently categorized, packaged and produced it for the masses under the Madison Avenue-approved banner of “extreme sports.”

     In the past, one of the most integral functions of art in skateboarding was its ability to create an underground camaraderie with global reach. Such cryptic icons was the Dogtown Cross and Vato Rat managed to sum up the rebellious allure of skateboarding in but a few simple strokes…Graphics came to signify an unspoken bond between skateboarders everywhere. Best of all, to anyone not directly involved with the subculture these images were meaningless, sometimes even threatening…Strip boards of their silk-screened soul and they become no better than any other performance-based sporting goods
.”  -Sean Cliver, Disposable: A History of Skateboard Art, p. 103. (2007)

     Cliver speaks to images, and the significance and power they have. While he mostly speaks of individual deck graphics, this post seeks to bump things up a level, to the graphics and brands of the skate industry as a whole.

     Brands. Branding. Brand identity. Brand loyalty. The cult of Independent trucks. The Nike SB backlash. The Bones Brigade. World Industries co-opting every image of pop culture. Spitfire logo tattoos. And so on. Skateboarding, more so than almost any other “sport” has a long, involved, and complex relationship to imagery, and concepts of brand identity. What exactly is a “brand identity,” and how does it impact the world of skateboarding, and the lives of skateboarders? Why do I even care?

     “As kids we get skateboards. After falling in love with the act of skating, we brand ourselves skateboarders. We find our niche within this culture, and it inspires and influences us to become the people we become. I look at skateboarding culture right now and see much brand diversity…Each brand has a distinct fashion sense to brand, and each brand offers a starting place to develop [in] taste and personal preference for art and music.” [Ed. Note: I would add, world view, politics, self-understanding, and even social theory to that list.].  -David Thornton, Luchaskate, Issue 10, p. 9. (2016)

    With that observation, Thornton bridges the gap between Julien’s comment on self-discovery, and Cliver’s missive on the significance of imagery. The two can feed into each other. Moreover, that quote opens the door to the heart of this post; “finding a niche,” and “becoming the people we become,” and how branding factors in our own self-understanding.

    Identity, and the way in which we exist in the world, and relate to the others around us have deep implications to our own sense of Being, and to the things that provide meaning in our lives. Identity, and group affiliation, can have profound impacts. It may mean the difference between being left in peace, or being heckled by jocks that view skaters as 3rd class citizens. It may mean life or death depending on what ethnic/religious/gender/sexual orientation/etc. group one belongs to. Turn on the news, and you will see the ramifications of identity (politics) across the globe. People die, and are slaughtered, over identity. Nothing runs deeper. The micro-politics of daily social interactions to the Holocaust are all rooted in concepts of identity. Skateboarders, and skateboarding, have always had a unique relationship to the world of identity, both to the world at large, and amongst themselves. Ask any life-long skater “who they are,” and most will likely answer, “I am a skateboarder.” It is very rare that, beyond high school, many adults would answer the same question with something like, “I am a football player.” Identity holds a unique place for skateboarders. It always has. It always will. Skateboarding permeates one’s sense of Being unlike anything else.
  
    Brand identity. It is what separates Nike from Consolidated, and Zumies from your local “core” skate shop. Branding is nothing without some type of message, be it told by text, graphics, or images. Without a larger brand identity, almost all skate company products are basically the same (“Strip boards of their silk-screened soul and they become no better than any other performance-based sporting goods.” –Sean Cliver). Branding is everything non-tangible. Branding is an assertion of identity, meaning, values, philosophy, and world view. It is a factor in who you decided to give your money to. It is something that resonates or repels. It is community involvement and support (or lack thereof). It is images of culture or counter-culture. It is a way to show proxy endorsement, and affiliation with a given concept, idea, or group; it is your “gang colors.” Branding is communication about what a company/person “stands” for, looks like, and acts like. It is an alignment of an emotional connection with life experiences, and a state of mind. It is identity attached to an inanimate object. It is the act of storytelling, and making yourself a part of that story. Of course, this is true of all brands, not just the ones in skateboarding. That said, there is a much greater sense of brand identity and development within skateboarding than almost anywhere else in the word. People just don’t have the passion for Kraft, Hormel, Oscar Meyer, Exxon, Samsung, etc. as they do for Santa Cruz, Girl, Spitfire, or Independent. Harley-Davidson may be one of the few comparative examples in the non-skateboard world (Well, there is that whole GMC v. Ford truck controversy. Out of fear for my own well-being, I take no side in the pick-up wars.).

    But, so what? Brand identity is a “thing” that is out there. A lot of what I am saying is common sense and obvious to anyone who puts any thought into it. So, what of it? Why does it matter? For a blog that is primarily based on the “existential and metaphysical interrelation of skateboarding and life,” this is about as deep as it gets. How does the ether around skateboarding impact identity? How does identity shape skateboarding? Skateboarding, and the culture around it, impact great portions of our lives, at least it did to mine. Almost any life-long skater will say the same. Much of the “shaping” comes not only from the life-lessons that the pure act of skateboarding provides, but also from the ethos, mores, and “storytelling” advanced by various skateboard companies, self-branding pros, and skate culture itself. It is a culture we are immersed in. To say we are not affected by that, is, as Cliver says, short sighted at best.    

     It is not as if we only ascertain these ideas about our own identity. We also seem to have them about others. How many expressed confusion when Chris Cole join the ranks of Plan B? People often said he just didn’t seemed to “fit” on Plan B (coming off Zero). Could anyone see Jeff Grosso riding for DGK? Caballero on Chocolate? Scheckler on Creature? The problem with all of these fictional match-ups is a clash of identity and brand. Nyjah’s flashy diamonds and cars just don’t quite seem to mesh with the virtual freelance vagrancy of Anti Hero’s “Tent City.” It’s almost laughable to think of these pairings. But why? A skateboard is a skateboard, right? Would Nyjah really be unable to skate if a Black Label deck was under his feet? Would Birdo be unable to walk in a pair of Nike SB shoes? It is laughable because the identity of these people/companies are so vastly different from each other. With time, we develop an intuitive sense of our personal identity, and that of others, and the ontological “places” those identities do, and do not, coincide with. We find our niche. We gravitate toward that which resonates, and avoid that which does not. We build a picture of the world, and ascertain where, and how, we fit into that picture. The picture is not entirely of our own making. We use the tools/influences around us to contextualize ourselves within it.

    While we could certainly take a look at larger trends, and examine the lasting influence of people like Gonz, Neil Blender, Eric Kosten, P.Rod, or companies like Powell, World Industries, Alien Workshop, etc., but, such an analysis misses the mark. Another common theme of this blog is the focus on individual, common, everyday-experience. Ultimately, experience is always an individual, and personal one. There is more truth in the 24-hours of a man’s life than there is in all of philosophy (or skateboard trends, for that matter). Larger trends are not important. The personal experience is. The lives of others are not our own. It is only in, and through, our own being that we can work out the ways in which we are Be-ing in the world, and ways we become the people that we are. Larger trends will always be subordinate to individual, actualized, experience. By way of example, I will forgo a meta-look at skateboard trends, and larger-than-life personalities. Instead, I will look at how various brands impacted my world view, and sense of identity…an expedition into personal archeology, if you will. Skateboarding, or parts of it, made me who I am today. Skateboarding leaves an existential residue. What resonates becomes ingrained in our sense of selfhood. What we internalize, and project out, becomes who we “are.” Skateboarding teaches things about life, and skateboard brands play a role in that. We all have our own story. The brands mentioned below were all players in my story. They taught me something about the world, about myself, and they way the two are interwoven. I leave these descriptions short, and somewhat vague, as my experience is ultimately insignificant to how others relate to the world around them. I could cite countless other brands, these are just some of the ones the provided me with lasting impact.       

Powell: As a young kid, they first taught me the power of (underground) symbolism, and non-verbal communication. If I saw Powell imagery, I knew someone was part of the “tribe.” 

Santa Cruz: After Powell, came Santa Cruz. They were crass. Punk. In your face. Screaming Hands. Slime Balls. Gruesome imagery that was not far from shock value. I learned merit in being bold.

World Industries/Blind/Etc.: Extreme sarcasm. Humor. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at others. Nothing off limits.  

Anti-Hero: Dark. Nihilistic, with a subtle humanism. Came out in/as backlash to the early 90s. No glitz/glam, rather, an out-right rejection of it. Just pure skateboarding and raw, gritty, existence. To this day, no “brand identity” has ever resonated with me more than AH. 

Fancy Lad:  Pure fun. Creativity. Avant-gnar. There is so much more than the traditional approach, to anything. Art is how you exist, and existence is itself an art.   

DGK/Menace/Etc.: I was/am a “white suburban punk” (Repo Man). These brands were things I just couldn’t relate to. They helped me learn what I was not

Girl: Sanitized. Safe. Boring. Again, help in understanding of what does not resonate.

Nike, Adidas, Monster, etc.: When I hear, or think of these companies, I will always think of team sports, large box stores, and the “gang colors” worn by the people most likely to harass skaters (aside from cops). Nike and Adidas have been involved in skating for a long time now, but I will never lose that gut reaction. In my world, they symbolize is everything that skating is not. This helped me grasp my own ideals of what it means to do something “for the right reasons.”  

    Yet, there also plain truth in the assertion that nothing could matter less than a given brand when it comes to actual skateboarding. I could walk into a skate shop blindfolded, stand on all the decks, and find something that “feels right” under my feet, and have a great time with that deck. Brands are meaningless when it comes to the pure act of skateboarding. Yet, with this dismissal of their role, we enter into the “short sighted” land that Cliver speaks of. More is going on, if we choose to look. I often hark on what I view as the two utmost extremes in modern skateboarding, Street League and the Barrier Kult. I often cite these two because they represent two totally different, polar opposite, takes on skateboarding (and thus life), and personal choice. Skateboarding provides extremes in life choices, or possible identities, which is not found anywhere else. Traditional sports do not provide such differing life views. Sure, a coach/players can set the “tone” of a team, and make it very different from all the others (thus providing different vantage points on life). But for the most part, the choices of what to identify with between different team sports is often little more than what color uniform you like. Is there really much difference in the mores and core values between the Boston Red Sox, the New York Yankees, and the SF Giants (aside from a contrived geographical conflict)? Yes, you can join a competitive, or recreational, softball league, but the “rules” are almost exactly the same (and I’ve played outfield on both type of teams). The main point here is that skateboarding, it seems to me, provides vastly more existential doors to choose from. A Barrier Kult or Street League philosophy? Somewhere in between? That type, and extent, of variety just doesn’t exist outside of skateboarding (Maybe in motorcycle culture… in that there is everything from casual riders, to international racing, and outlaw gangs). Once you are exposed to the openness, and possibilities of seeing, and existing, in a multitude of different ways, the world is forever changed. This, I think, is one of the core reasons that once you are a skater, you are skater for life; it fundamentally changes the way you see yourself, and your environment. Some lines can’t be re-crossed over. There are some places you can’t come back from (a future blog post will zero-in on this exact topic).     

    Yet, interpretation of these, or any, brands, and their “identity” does not fall into “correct” categories. Life and existence just isn’t that simple. One person may see Nike as a great “legitimizer” of skateboarding as a sport. Others may see Nike as parasitic outsider. Neither is “correct.” We are beyond right and wrong, good and evil. I could cite equally contrasting viewpoints for any of the companies/brands mentioned above. 

    The truth is there are no right answers. There aren’t even any answers. There never has been. There never will be. That is the answer. There is only experience, and the choices of association we make. Those choices, and our interpretation of those choices, often help define us, to ourselves, and to others. Those choices provide a window to our passions, to our self-interpretation, and they are what allows us to differentiate ourselves in our surroundings. To come full circle, and end with metaphor, “Strip boards of their [silk-screened] soul and they become no better than any other [performance-based sporting goods].”


 
  




Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Never Should Be Dones: The Tricks No Skateboarder Should Ever Do

EDIT: Well, this post certainly seems to be stirring up a good amount of controversy. If you actually think I am telling people what they should, and should not be doing, then I suggest you reread the first full paragraph, esp. that comment about the color blue. This post is simply about tricks I think are ugly, with some over-the-top rhetoric thrown in for humor. It might as well be post about what is better, Nickelback or One Direction (WRONG! They both suck!). Again, if you actually think I am telling people what they should/shouldn't be doing with a skateboard, then you simply shouldn't be reading this blog (or maybe anything for that matter).


          The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: NSBD (Never Should Be Dones)

We will soon return to updates in The Making of a Skate Punk series, but first, a rant.

Well, not really a rant, more of a no-holds barred skewering of skateboard aesthetics, and tricks that just never should be done (NSBDs) because they are hideous, mortifying, soul-crushing nightmares. Before we dive in, I must first provide a disclaimer. Skateboarding is an individual pursuit of self-expression. There is no “right” way to skate, because there is no “wrong” way to skate. There are only different ways to skate. What follows is only my perspective on given tricks and combinations. Essentially, I am arguing over what color of blue is the best. It is entirely a subjective experience, and not one that can ever be substantively “argued.” If you happen to agree with my assessment of NSBDs, cool. If not, cast these words to flames, as it should have no influence over you at all. If this post gets your panties in a bunch, well, then, good luck getting through the rest of life.

There are a few key elements to explore; flow, absurdity, and natural end points. They are all intertwined, and it can be hard to parse them out from each other. There are some tricks that just naturally flow. Smith grinds. A hand plant on transition. A backside kickflip. A McTwist. There are others, however, that are much more forced, contrived, harsh, and let’s face it, ugly, ratchet, and just fucking stupid. It is hard to definitively say what makes a given trick fall into one category vs. another. It’s more of a know-it-when-you-see-it of situation. Since it seems nearly impossible to create a theorem of what specifically constitutes a NSBD trick, we can just cite examples, and use them as semaphores to the larger skateboard landscape. Get ready. We ‘about to get ugly.

NSBD Examples

F/S Smith Grind, Kickflip Out. What a great way to simulationously ruin a Smith grind, and a kickflip. This trick is just horrible to watch. It burns the eyes. Damsels become distressed. Dragons take flight. Crops fail. Locusts. Compared to many others, this is not an absurdly technical combination, but it just lacks any real sense of flow. There is something too jarring about it. Likewise with kickflip to b/s railslide. Kickflip to f/s rail works, but to b/s? No fuckin’ way.

Melancollie to Pivot to Fakie (mini). No. Just no. Not ever. Chad Vogt did one of these, along with hundreds of other horrifying mini ramp 1-footed ollie variations, in Not the New H-Street Video. A tragedy to make Homer jealous.

Picnic Table Ollie to Nose Wheelie: Matt Hensley did one of these. People were in awe. I wanted to throw up in my own hair. Why would anyone want to do this, ever? It’s just goofy, but not like in that stupid-goofy fun way, but more like in a Sarah Palin type way. There is noting that flows about ollieing a picnic table and landing in a nose-wheelie. Nothing. The only dumber thing I can think of is ollieing a picnic table and landing in a nose wheelie. Awkward. Ugly. Obtuse. A test case in acute deformity.

Almost Any Manual that Deawon Song Has Ever Done. With that bold statement, I am sure some of you just fell off your chair. Manuals are their own special kind of stupid. The problem with manuals is the same problem that existed in the early 90s with small wheels and big pants. Loose pants are very comfortable and easy to move in. They are great for skating. Small wheels are light, and good for technical street skating. However, these were taken to absurd extremes. 70” pants and 7mm wheels. Manuals suffer the same debilitating, crippling plague. Just because we have the technical ability to build a 30 megaton hydrogen bomb, does that mean it’s a good idea, and we should do it? Nope! Just because something can be done, does not justify bringing it into existence. A simpler version of the same absurdity is continuing to ride a manual after you have dropped off of a ledge. It’s like continuing a jaw chewing motion after you have finished eating your entire plate of shrimp. It’s like double and triple kickflips. It’s like an OCD person washing their hands for the 100th time. Just stop. A natural end point was reached. Going further brings the wings of sorrow upon us all. Think of the children. Do you want them to endure such torment, terror, and death? Do you really want to be known as a “baby killer?” It’s just not a pretty word.   

Absurd Tech Variations On Ledges
. These are very similar to Godot-like manuals. Example: Nollie heel hard flip, to k-grind, to 360 nollie flip out (turning with it). Yes, without question, this type of stuff is insane, and are tricks I could only do in my dreams, but those dreams would be the blackest of nightmares. There is just no flow to many of these variations and combinations. They are just awkward, jolting, and soulless (much like Ann Coulter’s public speaking skills). A counter-example would be a b/s kickflip to fakie 5-0, to half cab kickflip out. THAT flows. Everything is turning the same direction. The dismount is almost a mirror of the mount. A super rad trick that does not hurt to watch.   

Double Flips (with the exception of that one Gonz did in the Blind Video), of any kind. These are just stupid, and excessive, like a jumbo size popcorn/soda at the movies. You don’t need that much of anything. What I really wonder, when I see these type of tricks done, is where were the parents when these people we growing up? I mean, didn’t they have any Home Training? Manners? Basic etiquette? Who let these children out of the house!?! 

Pressure Flips. Any type or variation. These tawdry little “tricks” are a calamity to Natural History. A cancer. The claw side of a hammer should instantly be taken to the face of anyone who does these things. 

Varial Flips. I am not sure why these are so nauseating, but they are. Moreover, it seems as if these are hated by almost every known species on Earth, even The Tea Party, and that is saying something. Don’t Varial Flip on Me!

Almost Anything with a Body Varial, where the board does not also spin. Example: Big spin = OK.  Ollie body varial = NSBD.

Underflips. These are worse than pressure flips. When these come out roaches and sewer rats scatter in disgust.

540 Kickflips on flat (and prolly on transition, too). They just ugly, and chaotic, like a little bit of North Korea under your feet.

Hardflips: Why aren't these just called Icky-Spasmo-Flips? They aren't even fun to do. Gross.

Almost Any Tre/360 Flip Variation to Slide/Grind or Manual
. Tre flip to 50/50, manual to tre flip out, backside smith to tre flip out…SHOOT. ME. NOW. This is the kind of shit that would turn Medusa to stone. There is just no flow to these. Tre flips should almost always be left to their own devices. When mixed with other tricks, things just get nasty. Ammonia and bleach. Marie Antoinette and peasants. Republicans and science. Nyjah and style.  

Frontside Bigspins. They are just too awkward, and weird. Just not something any good, white, Christian, woman would ever find herself doing. (Note: I was notorious for doing this trick in the early '90s. My folly.)

As a general rule, anything where your feet stay on the board won’t cross the line into NSBD land, but this is not always the case. NSBD Example: Full cab to backside nose blunt, to 360 revert (Danny Way). Jason Carney does some curb skating in one of the H-Street videos. He does something like a rail slide, to feeble, to rail slide, to feeble, to rail slide, to smith, to rail side, to feeble, to shove-it. No, Jason. Stop, just stop. I mean, what the hell are you trying to do? Are you some aspiring circus freak? I am not sure if you are (1) having a convulsive hissy-fit because there is not enough wax on the curb, or (2) you are trying to “push the envelope” of curb skating into a swirling morass of despair and anguish. In either case, I have grave concern for your judgment and well-being. Go watch Tom Knox skate a curb for a bit, and come back tomorrow. Even basic 50/50s, rail sides, nose slides, etc. can fall into the abyss of NSBD. At some point all these can become so long that it’s just stupid. A 100-yard 50/50? Yeah, cool wax, bro. Great story. Sometimes you just need to know when it’s time to pull out.

I can’t go on much longer with these examples. All this talk, of all these wretched NSBDs, is bringing on one of my “spells” of desperation and distress. It’s just too much for one person to endure for too long. I could go on, but I think I’ve illuminated a sufficient amount of NBSDs so that we can all garner the general essence of these tragic blights on skateboarding.

I leave you with a few other dark thoughts: Airwalk to handrail boardslide. Bluntslide to backside lipslide. 1-footed tail grab nose “bonks.” Rail slide to manual to shove-it. Catastrophe. Fukashima. Hindenburg. Pompeii.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Gratitude For What You Have...




I went grocery shopping with/for my dad this afternoon. Sometimes I get frustrated that I can't skateboard as well as I could when I was 25.

Then I remember I can walk.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Andre Had a Posse

     Ever seen an Andre the Giant Has a Posse sticker? Or the whole “OBEY” line of clothing? The creator, Sheppard Fairy, also made the famous “HOPE” poster for Obama in 2008. Fairy is now a rock star. Back in the day, he was just a skateboarder who went to RISDY in RI. We skated together a few times at ZT Maximus, in Cambridge, MA. He made some funny Andre the Giant stickers. People liked them. Evolution and marketing did its thing. Anyway, below is a very, very old “explanation” Sheppard wrote about the whole Andre thing. I wonder what he would say about this in 2016. The “not for profit” thing clearly changed.




            A Social and Psychological Explanation of Andre the Giant Has a Posse

The Andre the Giant sticker campaign can be explained as an experiment in Phenomenology.  Heidegger describes Phenomenology as “the process of letting things manifest themselves.” Phenomenology attempts to enable people to see clearly something that is right before there eyes but obscured; things that are so taken for granted that they are muted by abstract observation. The first aim of Phenomenology is to reawaken a sense of wonder about one’s environment. The Andre the Giant sticker attempts to stimulate curiosity and bring people to question both the sticker and their relationship with their surroundings. Because people are not used to seeing advertisements or propaganda for which the product or motive is not obvious, frequent and novel encounters with the sticker provoke thought and possible frustration, nevertheless revitalizing the viewer’s perception and attention to detail. The sticker has no meaning but exists only to cause people to react, to contemplate and search for meaning in the sticker. Because Andre the Giant has a Posse has no actual meaning, the various reactions and interpretations of those who view it reflect their personality and nature of their sensibilities. Many people who are familiar with the sticker find the image itself amusing, recognizing it as nonsensical, and are able to derive straightforward visual pleasure without burdening themselves with an explanation. The paranoid or conservative viewer however may be confused by the sticker’s persistent presence and condemn it as an underground cult with subversive intentions. Many stickers have been peeled down by people who were annoyed with the sticker which they consider an eye sore and an act of petty vandalism, which is ironic considering the number of commercial graphic images everyone in American society is assaulted with daily. Another phenomenon the sticker has brought to light is the trendy and conspicuously consumptive nature of many members of society. For those who have been surrounded by the sticker, its familiarity and cultural resonance is comforting and owning a sticker provides a souvenir of keepsake, a memento. People have often demanded the sticker merely because they have seen it everywhere and possessing a sticker provides a sense of belonging. The Andre sticker seems mostly to be embraced by those who are, or at least what to seem rebellious. Even though these people may not know the meaning of the sticker, they enjoy its slightly disruptive underground quality and wish to contribute to the furthering of its humorous and absurd presence which seems to somehow be anti-establishment / social convention.
    Andre the Giant stickers are both embraced and rejected, the reasoning behind which, upon examination reflects the psyche of the viewer. Whether the reaction be positive or negative, the sticker’s existence is worthy as long as it causes people to consider the details and meanings of their surroundings, In the name of fun and observation, the experiment continues…

Thank you for your interest,
(no matter what the reason.)
-Shepard Fairey

Over 350 thousand Andre stickers have been distributed over the last few years. Though the campaign is an experiment and not a profit seeking venture, I must cover my costs in order to maintain production….”