Four Weeks Later

I broke my leg four weeks ago yesterday. Absent major developments, I’m going to aim for blog updates every two weeks to track recovery.

Leg & Foot Condition: It’s still swollen and bruised, but not as much as it was two weeks ago. Feeling is still blunted in my foot…but maybe not as much as it was? It’s hard to tell with gradual changes. I can move my toes and ankle a bit more, but it’s still really limited. Ankle area (ligaments??) feel really stiff, and sore. Toes feel kind of stiff, too. I am more concerned about pain in ankle area now than I am about hurting the break. My calf and foot are no longer really sore when I go from laying down (or keeping foot up) to standing up-right. Hands, wrist, elbows, and shoulders get a little sore from the crutches, too. My leg must be getting really weak from non-use. PT should be interesting.

Housing: I am still at my parents’ place, and will be here at least until I am weight bearing. Maybe longer. TBA. Taking a shower is a pain in the ass. Life is definitely easier here than it would be at my apartment in the city.

Mental State: I’m bored as hell. I was bouncing around with Joe during the day when he was here, but he left the area last week. Now I’m on my own.  I need to find things to occupy myself with. At night I can go some pretty dark places when in bed/can’t sleep. The future can be a scary place. I need to stay in the moment as much as I can.

Skateboarding: This is a long way off. I’ll certainly be doing dry-land hockey stuff long before I am skateboarding again.

Hockey: I got a really nice stick (for ice). I’ll be able to use it for stick handling / shooting once I am weight-bearing. I also want to get a new pair of gloves, and a shooting pad/board for once I get cleared for all that. It’s something short-terms (before full recovery) to look forward to. 

Weight: I am worried I’m going to get fat while being totally inactive. I need to watch what I am eating.

Next Visit: They claim I could be weight-bearing (50%?? 100%??) at six-weeks. My exact six-week date falls on the week of July 4th. I couldn’t get an appointment until July 11th, so technically that will be a SEVEN week follow-up. I am kind of bummed about having to wait an additional week for that visit, but it is what it is. Right now I am a bit skeptical that there will be much of change in my foot in the next three weeks. I’ll just have to wait, see, and hope. 

So, I Broke My Leg...

On Tuesday, May 21, 2019 I broke my fibula and fucked-up the ankle ligaments in the process. I had surgery two days later. Today I had my two-week follow-up. Stitches removed. I found out that during surgery they put in a plate, five bolts, and one big-ass screw. I’m still non-weight bearing (e.g. on crutches) for at least another 4 weeks. Down to a removable air cast which is great.

My lower leg, ankle, and foot are still really swollen. Feeling in my foot is blunted. I can barley bend my ankle. They say with time, and PT, all that will go away. All I can do is wait, and hope.

I was skating a 6' high mini ramp when it happened. It was my first time on that ramp. The previous day I stated that the ramp was "cursed." Now I know that it is. I later found out that the ramp/park is KNOWN for broken bones and other serious injuries. The place even has a nickname, "The Bone Shaker." Indian burial ground or some shit.

I did some trick on one wall, and didn't like my feet placement on the way out of it. Ok, I figured, do an easy set-up trick on the next wall, and just reset. On the next wall, I did a nollie to rock to fakie. A trick I’ve done a million times. When landed on the coping, my board slid ever so slightly. It was enough to make my foot placement even worse. I briefly considered just bailing at that point, and knee sliding out. But, I decided to hang-on. "I can ride this out, it will be sketchy, but I can ride it out." Bad decision. I should have listened to my first instinct.

By the time I got to the bottom of the transition, and just started to enter the flat, I knew I was going to go down. I tried to step off my board and just run out. I planted my foot, but my leg kept going. I fell onto my leg with foot bent to the side. I immediately knew something BAD happened. I don't really remember taking my pads off, or my shoe, or waking across the park, or up the hill to get to my friend's van, but apparently I did. Adrenaline is a hell of a drug.

I remember making a lot of noise in the ride to the hospital. Half of it was from pain, the other half was out of utter existential frustration--I knew I wasn't going to be skating for awhile. I knew I wasn't going to be playing ice hockey. I knew I would be missing work. I knew my summer was now shot. I knew bad shit was going to go down. I knew my world had just radically changed, and I was pissed, angry, frustrated, and sad that all of that was going to happen...all because I decided to roll the dice on a fucking trick I knew I should have bailed-out on when I had the chance.

I've broken plenty of bones before, and had metal put in my body (metal rod in arm from a motorcycle wreck), but never anything this incapacitating. This is a whole new experience for me.

I'm now two weeks in to what could be a "three to six month" recovery, and my perspective has changed a bit since that car ride. More on that in my next post, but some context is in order.

My dad contracted Polio when he was an infant. He is now confined to a wheelchair, but had previously walked on crutches his entire life. I will walk again. He never will. In just the last six years my mom has had a knee replacement, three spine fusions (the metal rods in her back broke), and recovered from a broken hip/femur. Both of my parents have ALWAYS been in good spirits during these situations. Real role models for how to deal with adversity. Against that backdrop, I don't have much to complain about.   

The Ontology of Vandalism & the Iron Oxide Dust of the Dissaffected

Today I went to a small, run-down, almost forgotten skate park, far outside the city limits. The ramps were made of metal, and most had rust.

 
Once removed from larger population centers there are palpable ontological differences. One place these differences manifest is in vandalism. Yes, vandalism. Most “Big City” skate parks are covered in “fresh,” “urban” graffiti like this.*

This nearly abandoned park had almost nothing of that kind. Instead, it flourished with words and images of disaffected youth. Which, unfortunately, is not something you see much of anymore. Seeing it now, in 2019, reminded me of graffiti I saw 30+ years ago in my home town, before “fresh urban” graffiti became gentrified in its own way, and commonplace around the globe.

   
Angst that was once scribbled on public walls is now on a virtual one, tapped-out with a keyboard. This guy was on the side of a ramp. Did they know he resembled Q-Bert from the 1980s video game, or is he just some “fly-guy” with a vintage hat and an acute proboscis problem? No “tags” are to be found here, nor any of the "Nike SB" or "Supreme" scrawls I've actually seen in the city. Here, there were only creatures that might have crawled out of The Metamorphosis. Gregor Samsa might feel at home in this skate park. I certainly did.

“Memes” have more backbone when they are illegal street art/vandalism, rather than tired social media tropes. Everyone in hell loves Facebook.

 
This one has some great irony, because it can be read in two starkly different ways (and I am sure that was unintentional). The obvious reading is that “dream life” should take precedent over “real life.” The darker and bleaker meaning is that “dream life” is now over, and “real life” has begun. Both are apt messages for a skate park that falls in the shadow of a high school, with the dreamland optimism of youth in its twilight hours.

 
The metal ramp was old, rusty, and from by-gone era. Just like me, and my generations of skaters. Knee slides left iron oxide dust on my pads and shoes.

My shoes and pads were now marred with the residue of age. They are marks from the past. Just like all this graffiti, in form, and content.

 
In another sense, all this graffiti was "fresh," but in the sense that it was "new," and "recent." It wasn't old, like me, or the rust. In the wake of modern commercialism, corporate sponsorship, the Olympics, and greater social acceptance, it makes me happy that this spirit is still (somewhat) alive in skateboarding—that there are some who still want to be outsiders. I salute you.

*I am in no way bashing serious graffiti art. I am just pointing out observational differences of time and place.

One Reason I Wear Pads On Small Ramps

Why do I wear pads on ramps that are only 4’ high? Simple. Watch this clip.

 

There is a lot more going on here than it may first appear, and this bail could have been catastrophic without pads. It’s little shit like this, which is why I will always and unabashedly wear pads on even smaller mini ramps. Let's break down what happened here.

In this clip I was going into a frontside 5-0 grind to tailslide. I was leaning a tad too far forward at the start of the trick. The rear truck snagged as I was going into the tailslide, and some how I managed to pop the rear wheels on top of the platform, as can be seen in this screen grab.

With the wheels now on the platform, this caused the board to immediately stop its sideways momentum. Inertia, however, made sure that I kept going. At this point I tried to simply step off my board with my front foot, so I could easily “run out” and/or run down the transition (which is the normal procedure for 95% of all bails on a ramp this size). But not so fast. My front foot got “caught” in the pocket of the nose, and I couldn’t get the board out from under my feet. In the pic below you can see how the board is “stuck” to my front foot as I tried to “run out” of it. You can also see how I even managed to do a small ollie--note that my back wheels are now in the air, and no longer in contact with the ramp platform. 

 

Worse, forward inertia had continued to pitch my torso far forward of my tangled-up feet. By the time my front foot was finally off the board, my window of time to “run out” of the trick was over. I was way off balance, and there was no question I was going down. The next pic shows both the moment my foot is finally off the board, and also how far forward my leading shoulder is. There is no recovery at this point. This is also where things get interesting.

 

So, what to do in this situation? If you have pads on, you just drop to your knees, knee slide out, get up, and keep skating as if nothing happened. If you do NOT have pads, dropping to your knees would be disastrous. You may not be walking again for awhile. Without pads on for this bail, you would most likely do one of three things. First, tuck your leading shoulder and attempt to "roll out" on to your back (e.g. forward somersault). Second, take it on the hip. Last, is to Superman it, and dive face first straight to the bottom. There is no way you're not going down head first at this point, the only question is which of the three versions you're going to take. God knows how any of those other bail options would have ended, or what other kinds of injury would come from it. But, because I had pads on, I was able to just drop into a knee slide, and walk away unscathed. Pads are not always about saving your knees/elbows; they can often indirectly save other parts of your body, as this situation clearly illustrates. This bail would have been a very, very, different story without them. 

So, I will always wear pads on even smaller ramps because they occasionally save your ass, and save it in a major way. Old guys like me need as much help avoiding injury as we can possibly get. Avoiding injury today means we will be able to skate tomorrow (or go to work), and that is all that really matters. The real irony here, is that less than two years ago I hated wearing pads, and didn't even own any. Live and learn.

I've accepted the fact that I've pretty much become the exact stereotype of an "old guy skater," but I wouldn't have it any other way. Of course, the shorter way of saying all of this is, "I wear pads now because I'm old, and I suck." But, if you can't laugh at yourself, then what's the point? Life is weird. I'm still doing handrails at 45-years-old, but I won't go near a mini ramp without pads. Something is horribly wrong here. 

We Are What We Have Been Becoming

Do you remember the skater you were before the world told you who to be? We are what we have been becoming, and you once again become that skater when you get old. 

Some young kids in the 1980s. Some old guy in the present.

"I Broke My Neck, and That's Fine"

This is a scan of a 'zine article by Dan Overfield. Dan is "lifer" who recently broke his neck while skateboarding. He may never roll again.

For many reasons this article brought me close to tears when I first read it; Losing something you love. Loving something you lost. The hope, grace, and strength. The realization that none of us can do it forever. The perspective on larger aspects of life. It's a must read.

 

Shoulder Injury Follow-Up

This is a follow-up from the Sept 25 post about my shoulder injury.

I just got out of a physical therapy evaluation. I can see why people may not get PT for this injury (Stage II shoulder separation). They said that ligaments mostly heal on their own, and there is not much PT can do to specifically aid that process. Thus, my PT goals are to straighten posture a bit, strengthen supporting shoulder/back/trap muscles, and flexibility. Pain level should be the guide as to what I do / don’t do, and I should stop doing whatever I’m doing if pain kicks in.

Of course, my first question was when I could start skating again. He said exactly same thing the orthopedic doctor said, “Ideally, not until shoulder movement is pain-free during full range of motion. But if you started before then, shoulder pads could help avoid a set-back/reinjury if I were to fall on it again before it’s fully healed. And even doing that should wait awhile.”

My biggest short-term fear is falling forward on shoulder again (e.g. those bails when you get pitched forward and hit the ground). Skating right now isn’t a good idea. Skating without some kind of protection up there (esp. now) is unquestionably a really, really bad idea. There is no question that on the tail end of recovery, I’ll be skating for a bit in hockey shoulder pads, no matter how odd that may seem. I actually embrace it. Battle armor is punk. Plus, I think skateboarding is at it’s best when it’s challenging any type of status quo.  

But, the real question is the short-term issue. In six days I am headed to Austin, TX for a week. The purpose of the trip is, you guessed it, skateboarding. Timing is horrible. I’ve never skated a real ditch before, and this was going to be the first time.  So, what do I do?

I’m not sure yet. Essentially it’s going to be a (calculated??) risk assessment. Go, but don’t skate? Do some very mellow rolling around without any shoulder protection? Wear shoulder pads, and still take it easy, but maybe not quite as easy? I really don’t know. Where I am going to draw those lines is totally unknown right now…but I’m absolutely still going. 

I havn't skated in over two now, and it's really starting to get me bummed out.