Saturday, December 19, 2020

Popsicles v. Shaped-Decks

 
This article was written by someone who religiously rode shaped boards, and then decided to give popsicles a try. His analysis is below. It is worth a read.


[I did not write this article, Kyle DuVall did. I wanted to link his blog post to someone on Facebook, but it seems something has gone askew with the Blogger formatting on Kyle's post (I see white typeface on a white background when I view it). Hence, I copied and pasted the text here for easy reading.]

The Popsicle Experiment
December 7, 2015
By Kyle DuVall


For the last two years I have been one of the thousands of skaters who has embraced alternate skate deck shapes. I've ridden shovel heads, punk points, curvaceous, wide bodied hybrids like the Street Plant Street axe, and I’ve had custom shapes made to my own specs, The whole time I've been pretty vocal about how these shapes can be more than just nostalgic, stylistic affectations.

About 3 months ago, for the first time in 2 years, I set up my first popsicle deck. It was my attempt to come full circle with all my experimentations, and see how my perceived preferences stood up against the baseline of modern skateboarding.

Even in light of all of my shape advocacy, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t notice immediate advantages with the popsicle. There are good reasons to ride a standard shape, just as there are good reasons to ride a well-designed alternate shape. Teasing out what advantages come from the actual popsicle shape and which come from other factors like a shift in wheelbase size and width is a more subtle matter.

For my return to the standard shape, I doubled down and went with a Chinese-produced, mass manufactured deck: an Almost Chris Haslam resin 7 model with a 8.38” width with a 14.25” wheelbase. I picked Almost because a friend of mine, who has a tendency to snap decks as if they were the proverbial popsicles of the shape’s name, has been extremely lucky with their wood, and the dimensions and slightly blunter contours on Haslam’s model seemed ideal.

At the heart of my popsicle experience was a healthy drop in the length of the wheelbase I was riding.

A number of designers, brands and retailers have created their own recommendations for matching wheelbase sizes with riders, recommendations I have, in true skate anarchist fashion, usually ignored (I’M NOT GONNA LET THE MAN TELL ME WHAT WHEELBASE I SHOULD RIDE!!). I have been riding 14.75” to 15’ wheelbases for the last couple of years. The Haslam’s 14.25 wheelbase size actually lines up with the wheelbase I am ‘supposed” to be riding according to most of these recommendations.

Knocking half an inch off the WB changed the whole dynamic of how my front foot slid and how my back leg compressed in an ollie. When I ollied the Haslam, the tail of the board sucked right up against my feet as my rear knees bent, giving a very controlled, very level and snappy ollie. This effect improved my ollie even more once I altered my front foot slide to actually scrape beyond the front bolts and partially into the nose, a technique a lot of guys who learned to ollie on the tiny-nosed decks of the 80s, have neglected to learn. All in all, the shorter wheelbase (in combination with a shorter and more rounded tail, more on that later) had me popping ollies higher, in a shorter arc. The advantage on ledges and in popping off skatepark banks was dramatic.

Of course, you could put a short wheelbase on a shaped deck and gain some of these advantages, but very few brands offer shapes in the smaller wheelbases. Finding a stock 14.25” shaped deck is almost impossible and 14.5” is very rare. If there is one thing I have learned from my switch up it is that a lot of guys who love riding the shapes may be ill-served by the long wheelbases that come with them, especially if they are street skating. Brands might do well to branch out with their shaped deck designs.

The shape and the dimensions of my popsicle’s tail also played a role in that new snappier pop. The Almost Haslam had a 6.5” inch tail with the standard rounded shape. I’ve been riding 6.75 and 7 tails. The shorter tail definitely let me channel more power straight down much easier, this combined with the short wheelbase meant I could place my front foot farther up the board and still pop a good ollie. On a small wheelbase with a short tail, you can pop an ollie with the edge of your front foot practically touching the mounting bolts. This translates to much more stability setting up for a trick, and it makes it much easier to set up for the next ollie in a line. In a park setting it means there is a lot less sliding your foot around to adjust from pumping down a transition and popping an ollie on a pyramid or to a ledge. On the street course at the skatepark, the popsicle, or at least, the snappy tail and reduced wheelbase of that popsicle, was supreme.

The signature round shape of the tail can be a mixed blessing. The round tail design of the modern popsicle is designed for instability. Applying pressure to the rounded corners will essentially tip your board sideways, a motion at the heart of a lot of flip tricks. In fact, on the modern popsicle, the rotation of a kickflip or 360 flip comes just as much from the pressure of the back foot as it does the flick of the front foot. In the case of the modern 360 flip, the back foot “scoop” is often doing most of the real work. Once again, a lot of guys who struggled to nail kickflips and tre flips on the long-flat tailed decks of the late eighties find themselves stymied when it comes to getting the proper rotation on a popsicle. That's because, on those old tanks, the front foot was the engine that drove the flip. Apply the that technique to modern pop and chances are you will never get enough leverage in your pop to get off the ground, or at best, you will get a clumsily executed “rocket” flip. Kickflips on a popsicle are essentially a completely different trick than the flips we learned on fat boards in the 1980s.

Since the popsicle tail is basically built to tip, it means to get the most stability and pop on a plain old run of the mill ollie, foot placement on the tail must be more precise. If your foot is not well balanced and centered on the tail, the deck is going to pull sideways in one direction and tip a bit, meaning you will lose a lot of the power you are trying to put in your ollie and lose a lot of control as well. A flat, square-cornered tail shape, however, means you can apply pressure out of the “sweet spot” in the tail and still get a fairly solid, stable ollie.

Of course, even on a square tail you are going to pop better when you apply pressure to just the right spot in the center of the tail. One advantage of the rounded popsicle tail is that it essentially forces you to make sure you are always centered in your pop. It is a sort of conditioning tool in a way. You may start out less consistent on a popsicle tail, but the ollies you do will be cleaner and higher. The difference is a matter of consistency and on-demand stability versus versatility, improved vertical pop and the potential for cleaner flip tricks. There really is no “better” option. It's your call in accordance with your own style.

Another point of contention with modern decks is their durability. Veteran skaters often swear up and down that “they don’t make 'em like they used to” and single out Chinese production decks as especially suspect. On the whole, my Chinese popsicle took a pretty good beating and maintained a pretty good bit of elasticity and pop right up until the end. In terms of the longevity of aforementioned pop, the Almost Haslam certainly couldn’t compare with the eternal stiff snap of a workshop board like a Fickle deck, but it certainly stayed snappy up to the point where tail wear and other factors made a deck change necessary anyway.

The final verdict on this experiment: mixed.

I am definitely dropping my wheelbase from now on. Although the 14.25” size was definitely not optimal for bowl riding, splitting the difference and bumping up to a 14.5” wheelbase might work out well. A shorter tail than the 6.75” I have been riding is definitely better for me, although I’m thinking a squared 6.5” tail may be my best strategy. It's possible a square shape with a short length will mediate stability with the increased power the better leverage of the shortened tail gives me. The popsicle experience has certainly made me more wary of “punk point” noses. Nothing beats having a full sized nose, not just for nose slides and other ledge tricks, but also for ollies and, yes, even slappies. Cutting a 3rd of the real estate off your nose off just to get a “punk” look to your shape is not worth it. I’ll look more “punk” locking better backside slappies and more properly tweaked ollies. I think the Grosso-style “shovel’ nose is the way to go for me.

The big take-away from it all: ride what you like, but don’t write anything off you haven’t tried in a while. “Just because everyone else does” is no reason to ride a standard shape. Then again, it's no reason NOT to ride one either.

[Now that you've read about modern technology with decks, here is another article about wheels and deck height!]


Friday, November 27, 2020

The Secret "defect" of Thunder Trucks (and why your nose/tailslides may be suffereing)

 
(I apologize for some weird font/text formatting issues on this post, and for the misspelling of "axle" in the first photo!) 

What you are about to read may forever change the way you view Thunder trucks. Depending on who you ask Thunder trucks may, or may not, have a "serious design flaw." Moreover, this flaw may impact your nose and tail slides. If you ride Thunders and you read the rest of this blog post, from this point forward, any time you “catch” on a nose or tailslide, you might forever be doubting your equipment. Once you “see” this design "flaw," it cannot be unseen.
 
If you ask me, I say there absolutely IS a design flaw. Just what is this flaw? It is related to the length of the base plate that sticks out beyond the outer most mounting holes/bolts (and the position of the axle in relation to that). And yes, that simple little issue may be fucking-up your nose/tails slides, but more on that later. While this design issue is commonly known among hardcore skate tech nerds, it isn’t as common knowledge among those who aren’t super fussy about their equipment. However, that does not mean the "problem" goes away if you are unaware of it.
 
For starters, let’s look at this tracing of an Independent and Thunder baseplate.

 


There are two significant things to note here. First, is that Thunder baseplates sit further inward on your deck than Indys. Conversely, Indy baseplates stick further outward towards the nose/tail than Thunders do. See that “Note this difference” arrow? That is distance that Thunders are “shorter” than Indys. The second significant thing to note is where the axle sits in relationship to the baseplate. The red lines marked “center of axle” are (duh) where the center of the axle (on the hanger) sits over the baseplate. Note that Indy axles are closer to the center of the board than Thunders. Nothing of surprise here. Indys have a shorter wheelbase than Thunders, so it makes sense that Indys would have an axle closer to the center of the deck (and Thunders would be further out). Now, where all of this gets interesting is what happens when put wheels on your trucks...and then try doing a nose/tailslide.
 
Let’s start with Indys. When you do a nose or tailslide with Indys, the outermost end of the baseplate “grinds” along the vertical edge of what you are sliding, and the wheels do not come in contact with that same vertical edge. The reason the wheels do not contact the edge is because the baseplate sticks out further than the wheels do. I think you may now see where all this is leading to. With Thunders the opposite is true. Thunders have a “shorter” baseplate than Indys. Moreover, the axle (and thus the wheels) sits further toward the end of that baseplate. So, when you do a nose/tail slide with Thunders, the baseplate often never touches the vertical edge you are sliding on, but the wheels do. These two photos will help visualize the difference (both trucks have the same set of 53mm Spitfires on them).
 
Indys. The baseplate touches the “ledge,” but the wheels are free and clear.

 

 

Thunders. The baseplate does NOT touch the "ledge," but the wheels rub against it


Thus, there is a much greater chance to “stick” when doing nose/tail slides on Thunders because the wheels will “catch.” Ben Degros also often mentions this issue on his (fantastic) YouTube channel when talking about Thunder trucks (as can be seen in this video around the 2:47min mark). It's also commonly discussed on the SLAP Forum. Now, this is not to say that nose/tailslides are impossible with Thunder trucks. Clearly such a claim would be demonstrably false. But what it does mean is that (a) you probably need a lot more wax to compensate for “catching wheels” if you’re running Thunder trucks, (b) your margin of error is much thinner, and (c) nose/tails slides on Thunders are often more akin to a power slide (e.g. wheels rubbing) than on any other brand of trucks. Next time you are at a park, and you see someone over-waxing the fuck out of a ledge for nose/tail slides, look what trucks they have. Usually it is Thunder skaters that are doing this, and the reason why should now be obvious. Of course, the secondary problem with this is getting too much wax residue on your wheels (sketchy landings), and pissing everyone else off at the park who doesn’t want turboclown amounts of wax on a ledge to compensate for a poorly designed truck (e.g. Thunders). Further, Thunders are the only truck on the market (that I am aware of) that have this “problem.” Indy, Ace, Venture, Krux, etc. all have baseplates that stick-out beyond the wheels. Only Thunder has “catching wheel syndrome.” When something is designed radically different than every other product on the market, that often says something. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's bad. Here, I side with the latter.   

All of this I find very disheartening. Deluxe is such a rad company. I just wish they could make trucks as good as everything else they do.* Until then, I am stuck on Indys…they nose slide great!

*For some reason DLX can not figure out how to make a proper baseplates. Everything else they do is top-notch. Their baseplates, however, leave me utterly confused. The Thunder problem is explained above. Ventures have that inane design where the outer most mounting holes are so far under the hanger that it is next to impossible to get anything but a combination wrench on the mounting hardware. Absurd. What is going over at DLX that they can rule at everything else, but are still producing nearly XR-2 level baseplates?

POST-SCRIPT: Here is another example that shows how much of an "outlier" Thunder baseplates are. Here is a Thunder truck, and an industry standard shock-pad. Look at how much the shock pad sticks out beyond the baseplate when the holes are lined-up. This does not happen on any other truck, only Thunders. Any other truck, and the end of the baseplate and the shock pad (or riser) would be almost flush.






Thursday, November 12, 2020

Knee Gasket Reviews: Killer 187 & Old Bones Therapy

Killer 187 & Old Bones Therapy Knee Gasket Review

This post is a review of both Old Bones Therapy and Killer 187 knee gaskets. 

Disclaimer: I am not associated with either of these companies in any way, shape, or manner.

First, why would one want a knee gasket? They basically serve five purposes. First, is to add some compression support to the knee area. Second, is to add a touch of padding to prevent against simple abrasion if don’t want to wear full-on kneepads. Third, if worn with kneepads, they can help prevent the pads from slipping down during knee slides. Fourth, if worn with kneepads, they can add a bit more padding around the kneecap area. Last, when worn with kneepads, gaskets help keep the pads from getting too nasty because the (easily washable) gasket will soak-up most of your sweat, rather it going directly into your pads. I wear my gaskets (with kneepads) for reasons three (3) through five (5). 

Note: Lots of pics at the very end of this post. 

Killer 187s

 I’ll start the review(s) with the Killer 187 gaskets. I’ve had these much longer than my Old Bones, so I have a longer-term perspective with this product. Killer 187s make the following claims about their gaskets;

 - Curved ergonomic design 
- Thick padding surrounds the patella 
- Two layers of neoprene encase 
- Super absorbent EVA foam 
- Ventilated mesh sewn in for breathability on back of knee 
- Non-irritating side seams for comfort 
- Top and bottom stitching for durability

All of these claims hold true. Additional comments are that these gaskets are thick (but not too thick), and they have a good amount of padding around the kneecap area, including the patella tendon area. They fit snuggly (and neoprene can be rather warm/hot, esp. in summer). Some many not like the snug fit as much, other might (esp. if you’re going for compression support). That said, no knee gasket should fit loosely, as that would defeat almost any reason for wearing one.

I have found two drawbacks to my 187s. First, they seem a little “short.” By that, I mean that I’d like the overall length of the sleeve to be a bit longer. They certainly cover the entire contact-area of my kneepad, but just barely, and a tad longer would be better. Second, and this might be a big one for some people, is the stitching on the back of the gasket that connects the neoprene and the ventilated mesh. On mine, that stitching started to fail not longer after I got them. This might have been because, when I first got them, I was pulling them up from the top when putting them on, which is the incorrect method. I should have been “rolling” them a bit more. In any event, I reinforced these areas (sewing them up with waxed dental floss). I have not had any problem since. Would this problem have happened if I had been properly putting the gaskets on? Who knows. We’ll find out if/when I get my next pair.  

In the end, the 187s knee gaskets are a good product. I’ve had mine for a few years now. They’ve gotten good use, and have otherwise help up. They definitely make my kneepads feel a bit beefier, they have never slipped down, and they do a great job keeping sweat out of my pads due to the thick-ish neoprene. $45.00 for a set

2021 FOLLOW-UP: My 187s finally died. They served a good long life, and I got plenty of use out of them. I got another pair, and unlike the previous ones, I was bit more careful with how I put them on. I have had no problem with the stitching like I did with the previous set.   

 Old Bones Therapy

Next, we move on Old Bones Therapy (OBT). This company seems to have a very dedicated (almost cult-ish??) following. I had some money to burn, and I love trying out new skate gear, so I decided to give these a-go to see what all the hype was about. The owner(???) often posts on social media circles I run in, and he even offered a standing discount code to one of the groups I’m in. That is really cool. Direct involvement with the community is a big plus in my book. Their products are targeted at the older crowd, which is also, well, “my people,” so that resonates, too. To these ends, Old Bones had some “pluses” going for me before I ever even had product in my hand. 

Let’s take a look at some of the claims made by OBT on their web site about their knee gasket. I am not going to cut and paste all of it here. You can read that material on the product description page, which can be found here.

The OBT gasket is notably different from the 187s on several fronts. First, they are much longer than the 187s. Too long, IMHO.  They extend far up my thigh, and far down my shin. Wearing them, at least for me, makes it feel like there is HUGE knee pad on my leg, which covers the my upper leg, knee, and part of my calf. I'm not really a fan of that.  Second, the OBTs are not made of neoprene. They are made of some type of  “breathable knitted fabric.” The OBTs are thinner, and more “light weight” than the 187s. These don’t feel quite as “snug” or “tight” as the 187s, and that’s a good thing (for me). I am curious to see how the fabric holds-up over time. Will it loose its stretch? Will it wear out? I’ve not heard of anyone reporting this happening. Time will tell. I’m also curious to see how the OBTs do with keeping sweat away from my kneepads. I got mt OBTs in Fall 2020, so I won’t be able to really test that one out until summer 2021 (when it’s really hot again). OBTs also have these really cool anti-slip “nobs” at the top of the gaskets to help keep them in place. The OBTs do not have as much padding around the side area of the kneecap as 187s do. They also do not have any padding directly over the center of the kneecap (187s have a small layer of padding over this spot, but not much). This is the one drawback of OBTs for me. I wish they added a bit more padding in these spots. The one other “drawback” of the OBTs is that since they are made of fabric, if it gets near Velcro (which is common on others skate pads), the OBT fabric can get “stuck” to the Velcro. As soon as I realized this was an issue, I’ve been careful to keep the OBTs away from the Velcro on my other pads. I don’t want to find out if repeated “separations” will cause any structural integrity issues to the OBT fabric (as is often the case when fabric gets repeatedly stuck to Velcro).

I like the OBTs. I just wish they (1) were a tad shorter, and (b) had that extra bit of padding over/around the kneecap area. Once I have put substantial, heavy, long-term use on the OBTs, I will post a follow-up about their longer-term durability.  $25 each (or $45 for both).

So, which product is better? That depends on what you are looking for. Want a gasket that adds some padding? Go for 187s. Want a gasket that provides compression support to a larger area of your leg, is lighter, has an awesome fit, and is from a company that has great community outreach? Then OBT is your clear choice. Also, if you’re just looking for general knee support, with long wear times, you’re better off with the OBT, because they are bit more breathable, comfortable, and cover a larger area. That said, I have often seen claims about OBT that basically sound like, "I had all four my limbs severed in a car accident, and I started wearing OBT knee-gaskets on my severed legs, and now I can skate like I'm 18-years-old again!" It seems a lot of people credit OBT with some magic rejuvination ability. It's a just knee gasket. It's not going to make you walk on water. I read all those "cult" claims with a huge grain of salt. You should, too.   

And very last, and this probably a bit petty in the grand scheme of things...the OBTs are just really bad-ass looking. Great color scheme and design. They did a great job with these things. Oh, OBT comes with cool stickers, too. Who doesn’t like stickers?!?

2022 FOLLOW-UP: Well, I've now had my OBTs for awhile. They are still going strong. They have stretched out a bit (making them even longer than before), which I still not really a fan of. Otherwise, they have held-up very well (much better than my 187 gaskets for that matter), and do everything a knee-gasket should. I still wish they had a bit more padding the knee area, however (like 187s do). Old Bones Therapy is an unquestionably rad company, that does a lot to directly support and communicate with the community. I am certainly proud to give them my support and endorsement.


As you can see, the OBT gaskets are much longer than the 187s.


Back side of them.


ALL of the gray area on the 187 (right) is padded.




Knee padding when gaskets turned inside-out.

The anti-slip part of the OBT gasket.

The stitching I had to redo on the 187s.

Here you can see the 187 gasket just barely extends beyond my PD knee pads.


The OBT gasket covers much more of your leg above and below knee pads.


Thursday, October 29, 2020

A Few Updates from the Personal World

It’s been a bit since I’ve posted any personal updates. That is a good sign—it means I’ve been skating. So, here is what’s been going in my world.

I.  Ankle Recovery: It ain’t what it used to be, that’s for sure. Sometimes it hurts when I walk. Sometimes I don’t really notice. It’s still weaker than it was, and I don’t fully trust it. I still haven’t tried any serious running yet, but I feel like that might be coming soon. All this said, I able to do everything I did pre-break in a diminished, but at least meaningful, way. That is all I could really ask for. 

II.  Skateboarding: Last sentence in the previous paragraph really sums it up. I am skating mini ramps again (but keeping it in the 4’ - 5’ range). There is still a lot of tricks I haven’t yet attempted again. Some of that is certainly residual physical limitation from the injury, but I am sure a lot of it is mental, too. That will be an on-going battle. I am making slow but steady progress. But most of all, I am having fun, and skating in a way that is meaningful to me. Again, that is all I could really ask for. 

III.  Skate Equipment Stuff:

(1) Old Bones Therapy: This week I got a set of Old Bones knee gaskets. My old Killer 187 gaskets were getting a bit spent, and Old Bones seems to have a very devoted (cultish??) following, so I decided to give them a shot. In depth product review coming in the near future.

(2) A Bigger Set-Up: I rode a friend’s board last week that was much bigger than my usual set-up. I was having some real fun with it. So, I ordered a bigger deck, and threw some old Indy 159s on it. Rain this week, so I won’t be able to really skate it for a bit. I’ve been down this road before, and I have ALWAYS ended up back on my regular set-up, and giving away whatever new/different equipment I am trying. Will this time be any different? Doubtful, but it’s always good to challenge your basic assumptions from time to time (if only to reaffirm them). I’ll probably post an update on this after I’ve skated the deck a bit.  

(3) Rail Slide Bar: I built this little railslide bar about 2-3 weeks ago. It was built to fit exactly in my car. I wish it was about 12"-18" longer, but it's good enough.  I haven't been able to spend serious time on it yet, but it's certainly going to be a lot of fun. 

 

 



Friday, June 12, 2020

A Moving Moment

[A topologist studies properties of objects that are preserved when moved, bent, stretched or twisted, without cutting or gluing parts together.]

My elderly parents are moving. Today I went to help them pack. I’ve had stuff in storage at their place since I was 19-years-old. I now have to get rid of most it, including these three toys.


 


I played with these countless hours as a kid. They are among the last tangible, direct, links I have to my childhood. Letting them go is sad. It feels like extinguishing a dim, but long burning ember that still kept part of my (childhood) soul alive. As long as I kept these toys, that part of my spirit would endure. Without them, my distant youth atrophies, fades, and disappears forever.

But let’s get real. 

What purpose have these old metal toys really served? They have sat, mostly forgotten, in a dusty corner of the attic for decades. Every few years I would inadvertently unearth them, smile, and then cast them back to shadow of almost forgotten memory, until the exact same process repeated itself again.

I commented to my mom this afternoon that, “It’s sad to let favorite childhood toys go.”

“Yes. Yes, it is,” She said. “But those were never your favorite toys. Not by a mile.”

Her statement shocked me. Incredulously I asked, “They weren’t? Then what was?

Her voice lowered, almost to inaudible whisper. She spoke with a quiet, but calculated and compassionate demeanor that was both full of conviction and truth. I stood, entranced by her words and tone.

Oh, you still play with it. All the time. In that respect, your childhood has never really ended. That is a gift. A gift very few ever know. Cherish it.” And then she pointed.

My eye followed her old, shaking, crooked, arthritic finger as it motioned to the corner. When I saw what she was point to, a tear of joy, empathy, and understanding started to roll down my cheek.




Later in the day I dropped my old toys off at a Goodwill bin, in hopes that they would eventually find another soul to ignite. I stood there for a while, as if at a gravesite, and said my final goodbyes to a greater symbolism. I remembered there was a curb not far away. A curb I had skated for countless hours as a kid. A breeze came up behind me, and the glow of dying embers rekindled into a brilliant light.

EDIT: I drove by this donation site after my curb session. They toys were gone. Someone had taken them to a new home.

Monday, June 1, 2020

Dealing with Skate Anxiety, Part I (Injury)

I previously wrote this primer for people “returning to skateboarding after a long break.” It covered things like avoiding common old-guy injuries, equipment, and how to navigate the social world of skateboarding without making a turboclown of yourself. However, I recently realized there was one huge topic I entirely missed: Anxiety.

Skate-related-anxiety usually comes in two forms. The first is injury or reinjury anxiety. This is simply fear of getting seriously injured. The second is social anxiety. Usually this stems from how you think you will be perceived by other skaters or anyone else for that matter (e.g. not doing “cool” tricks, being the “old guy” the park, wearing pads, looking dumb, out of place, poseur, etc.).

If either or both of these sound like you, please find some solace in the fact that you are NOT alone. Many grapple with these exact issues—and not just people starting up again after a long break. People who have skated continuously their entire life also face these two anxieties from time to time. I certainly have. You are not alone. This post is about dealing with both of them. Your anxiety will not be solved by the time you are done reading these words. However, I hope that you may walk away with some perspective, and a few mitigation strategies to make things more manageable. Again, you are not alone.  

Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist, therapist, clinician, social worker, etc.

                                                               Injury Anxiety

In May 2019 I broke my leg/ankle on a 6’ mini ramp. I had two surgeries, and now have a lot of metal in my leg. I was cleared to start skating again in March 2020. My ankle is weak, and not nearly as flexible as it once was. If I come down on it wrong, it hurts, and I collapse. I can no longer properly “run out” of tricks. My ability to do “controlled falls” is nowhere near what it once was. Because of this, I often now wear knee/elbow pads even when skating a curb (e.g. I collapse/can’t run out of bails). Not only do I have ankle reinjury anxiety, but now I also wrestle with anxiety about injuring some other part of my body because I can’t fall with the controlled manner I once did. Add to that, the fact that our reaction time slows with age, and the fact that we don’t heal as fast as we used…and, well, yeah, there is a lot to be anxious about. (2023 UPDATE: My ankle is now healed-up as much as it's ever going to be. It will never be the same as it was before the injury, but I am back to skating at almost the same level I was before. That said, the body heals faster than the mind, and a few years later, I still occasionally have mental battles over/with some tricks because of re-injury fear. And I realize that may never go fully away.)

I share my story so that if you are reading this, and you have (re)injury anxiety, to let you know you are not alone. I know exactly what you are dealing with. I, too, have very real experience in this field. Much of what is written below is aimed at someone who is just starting-up again, or is just coming back from a major injury. However, this information is equally applicable to someone working on their first kickflip McTwist as it is to someone learning to ollie again. The specific trick here is wholly irrelevant, as it is actually nothing more than a mere variable in a larger, universal structure of injury anxiety. Danny Way, about to try something he’s never done before on a megaramp, probably has a similar (injury) anxiety that you may have acid dropping off a curb. Sure, the scale and scope of those two tricks may be vastly different, but the existential experience of that anxiety is often shared across all skill sets. So, what can be done about it?

Injury anxiety is an injury to the mind and spirit. Its origin stems from concern about injury to the body. Thus, we have to focus on the mind to overcome injury anxiety. Your primary goal is to do what ever you need to put your mind at ease (or to ease it as much as you can).  Let me repeat that. Your primary goal is to put your mind at ease. Do this in any manner, and by any means necessary, that works for you.

There are many ways and approaches to putting your mind at ease. Use as many physical, emotional, and spiritual tools as you need. The list below is by no means exhaustive; it just touches on some basic concepts. Use what resonates with you, ignore what does not, and experiment with new approaches. 

Baby Steps: Start with tiny baby steps. Just roll around a parking lot. Pushing. Kicktuns. Carves. 180s. Rock and rolls on small curbs. Acid drops off small curbs. Stationary tricks on curbs. Do what you are comfortable with. Do what is fun. Then slowly, as you begin to feel more comfortable, push the envelope a tiny bit. Find a slightly higher curb. Go a tad faster. Etc. Don’t go outside your comfort zone, but just stretch it a tiny, little bit each time. Allow yourself small victories—even if it is as basic as just TRYING something you had never tried before, or something you were too scared to (re)try. These are indeed victories. They are forward progress. The journey of thousand miles starts with a single step. Focus on those small, single steps. Each one is a victory.

Keep a Notebook: Write down your small victories. It can be hard to keep track of incremental progress when you are immersed in it. Having a log gives you something to reflect on. Writing something down gives it a more concrete reality. It transforms abstract concepts into something more tangible. It makes dismissal and repudiation a harder task. Moreover, it is acknowledgement and admission that something occurred, and it provides for recognition of your victories.

Skate Often: Skate everyday if you can. This will keep you mentally comfortable and familiar with what you are doing. Big breaks between sessions will allow uncertainty to creep back in. They also allow your muscle memory to wane. Go to the gym once a week, you wont see any results. Go three times a week, and you will be in a much better position. The same is true for putting your mind at ease with what you are doing. The more you do it, the more familiar it becomes. Familiarity provides comfort and solace.  However, you can also overdo it. Sometimes it is good to take a break, and allow your mind to reset. You'll have to experiment and find which path, at what times, works for you. 

Pads: If they would help your mental state, wear every damn pad you can get your hands on. Hell, wear full ice hockey equipment if it helps calm your spirit. I’m dead serious. Wear any and all gear you need to help put your mind at ease. Maybe with time you’ll shed some it, maybe you’ll add even more. It doesn’t matter which direction you go with it. All that matters is taking whatever steps you need to get out there. Safety gear helps prevent physical injury, but sometimes it’s not your body that really needs pads, it’s your mind that does. There is nothing wrong with that.


Location: Find a calming skate spot you like. We’ve all had our favorite spots, and we’ve all had spots we hate. It’s the energy and “mood” of a spot that either resonates or repels us. Find a spot that just “feels good.” Make that your home base. You don’t want to be at war with your physical surroundings, as this does not calm the mind. Find your “happy place” and skate there.                         

Music: This can give you something to focus your mind on while skating. Music is also great for setting a mood, too. Listen to something that helps put your mind at ease, and puts you in a good mood, no matter what kind of music it is.   

Name Your Anxiety: Verbalize and articulate (to yourself) that you are feeling anxious. Once you name something, you can deal with it more effectively. Put it in as specific terms as you possibly can. Example: “I am anxious about sliding out on this 5-0 grind and falling on my (once broken) arm again.” Once this is done, you can decide how to deal with this trick based on your comfort levels. Just got for it? Stop skating entirely for the moment? Move on to some completely different trick that you are comfortable with? The choice is for you to make, but once you concretely state what you are having anxiety about, you can develop a roadmap/plan for managing it.  
 
Envision Success: Hesitation and doubt can lead to problems when trying a trick. Going into a trick while thinking, "Oh, man, I really hope I don't bail this" is a bad approach. It assumes failure. Go into any trick (including something you've never tried before, or something you've already been trying for 15 minutes) thinking, "I will/can land this." Thinking about slams can often lead to slamming. So, envision yourself landing it and rolling away. This will put you in a better mental place, and a more confident one at that, too. Confidence is our goal.

Know When to Hold ‘Em and When to Fold ‘Em
: There are three roads to the top of the mountain.

First, if you are skating and things don't feel right, stop skating. Maybe stop for a few minutes. Maybe stop for a few hours. Maybe stop for the day. Rarely does anything good come from forcing yourself do something, that is supposed to be fun, when you're not feeling it. If your mind is not in the right place, neither will be your skating. Be honest with yourself about what feels right, and do what ever that is. If need be, fight that battle another day.

Second, if you are skating and something doesn't feel right, go do some totally different tricks. Supposed you are trying backside tailslides on a bench, and suddenly they start freaking you out for some reason. Stop trying them. Move to something completely different. Something you are comfortable doing. Something you have fun with. Maybe it’s carving a bowl for a bit. Maybe it’s power slides. Maybe it’s switch 360 flips. It doesn’t matter, just do something totally different from whatever was causing the anxiety. The purpose of doing something different is to “ground” or "recenter" yourself, which will help calm your mind. Once that is done, then maybe try an ollie to backside axle stall a curb. Then an ollie to pivot. Then a pivot to tail. Then a backside ollie to tail. Then maybe a short ollie backside tailslide. Then repeat this process again a slightly higher curb, working your way back towards that bench, one baby step at time (bringing us right back to the beginning…baby steps).  

Last, if you are skating, and something doesn't feel right, go for it! This approach works for some people. I am NOT one of them. The second way is what works best for me. I only include this third method because it does work for some. The theory is that if you push through (and assuming you come out alive), you have directly confronted the fear, and have proven it to be something that you don’t need to be afraid of. In short, you violently break the tension. If this works for you, great. 

As stated above, the real thing here is to just be honest with yourself about what feels right—and to do whatever that is.

In closing I just want to remind you that (a) you don’t have to relearn everything from before, and (b) you will most likely never be as good of a skater as you once were. Age does that to everyone. Don’t let that discourage you. Focus on the present moment. Of course this is just another way of saying, "have no expectations from your past” (which I covered extensively in this post). If you remember only two things from this post, it should be “baby steps” and “put your mind at ease.” Skateboarding is supposed to be fun. Follow the path that leads you there. If you do that, anxiety doesn’t stand a chance.  

Part II will talk about social anxiety that may come up when skating around other people. That section has not yet been posted, but I will link here once it has.  

Thursday, May 7, 2020

A Place on Earth

This a story of curbs, the afterlife, personal chaos, and finding a moment of sanctuary.  


A ritual is an act regularly repeated in a set precise manner, often performed in a sequestered place and according to a set sequence. Meditation is harder to define. Suffice to say it may be used with the aim of reducing stress, anxiety, depression, and pain, and increasing peace, perception, self-awareness, and well-being. Some claim it can lead to enlightenment.

The older you become, the longer it takes to get “warmed up” on a skateboard. Some years back I developed a “warm-up” routine. It was around 20 or so curb tricks that are mirror images of each other. B/S ollie to tail. F/S ollie to tail. B/S blunt. F/S blunt. Etc. I could often tell how well a session was going to go based on well how the warm-ups went. After I broke my leg, these were no longer “simple warm-up tricks.” They had all been transferred into major goals to hopefully one day again achieve with some degree of regularity. Much of my recover to this point has been relearning these “warm-ups.”

My elderly, crippled, and financially insecure parents were told two days ago that their lease would not renewed on Aug 1st, 2020. They do not own a home. They now have three months to move. They have lived at their current location for 15 years. They will have to relocate into a substantially smaller place, and will likely be forced to shed about 2/3rd of their entire belongings. I will probably have to finance most of their move. Emotion and stress levels are running very high.

I went skating tonight. I arrived at a curb I often skate. They place was utterly deserted. Even the drone from the nearby highway was absent. Its abnormality was actually bit eerie. The Corona Virus has caused a blanket of silence to fall across the night. I was alone in a quiet world with my curb.

I started doing my warm-up tricks, and then realized that I was actually doing “an act regularly repeated in a set precise manner, often performed in a sequestered place and according to a set sequence. I was performing a ritual. One I had developed long, long ago. Skateboarding can be many things. Some of those are things like “reducing stress, anxiety, depression…and increasing peace…and well-being.” My warm up tricks. This wasn’t just a ritual, it also had aspects of meditation. Especially now.

I stopped skating for a bit, and just listened to that unusual, deep stillness that enveloped the land. My mind drifted. I’ve been thinking about that Grosso birthday tribute a lot over the last week. Towards the end of it, Lucero says something to Jeff like, “Make sure there is a nice curb for me up there in heaven.” I remembered this quote, and then heard myself say out loud, “Me, too. Me, too.” I surprised myself that I had done this. A voice from nowhere that shattered the silence. I looked around for brief second to see where it had come from. In doing so, a veneer was lifted.

Fifteen feet in front of me was a nice curb. The veneer wasn’t just lifted it. It was shattered. It was like flying through clouds, and then breaking into the endless blue sky. A wave of euphoria and deep understanding swept over me. I almost started to cry from joy. “Make sure there is a nice curb for me up there.” The object and intentions of eternal happiness are not some abstract utopian concept. There are here. Now. I was actually standing in paradise at that very moment. And for that moment, sanctuary was mine.     

Some claim that ritualistic meditation, even in the midst of chaos, can lead to enlightenment. I (now) believe them.

Tuesday, April 21, 2020

Welcome Back: Starting Up Again After a Long Break, Part III.

                                                      Part III: Social Navigation

Welcome to Part Three of a four part series on returning to skateboarding after a long break. Part One covers a Mind/BodyReality Check. Part Two covers equipment. Part Three covers basics social navigation in the modern world of skateboarding. This section is included so you don’t end up making quick enemies, looking a turboclown, and having people desire to become better strangers with you. More importantly, all of this here to keep the Stoke flowing, and to make sure you have a good time. I recently added a Part 4 to this series which deal with skate-related anxiety.


An unknown older skater.


                                            Where to Shop: Skater Owned v. The Mall

There are basically two types of shops. The “core” skater-owned shop, and the “Mall Brand” shop (Zummies, Vans, etc.). Within skateboarding there is a common trope which mandates that you should “support skater owned” businesses. If all other things are equal, then sure, there is merit to this sentiment. However, it is seldom that all other things are indeed equal. You may not have a skater-owned shop near you. They may not carry the equipment you want. They may have horrific customer service. They may be assholes. There is absolutely no reason why you should support a bid’ness that is far away, doesn’t have what you want, and throws around attitude, just because they are “skater owned.” Anyone who tells you to patronize a shop like that just because it is “skater owned” is an idiot. Like everything mentioned (about equipment) in Part II of this series, find a shop that best suits your situation, no matter what that is. That said, there are a few things to watch out for.

If you go to a Mall Store, chances are they may not have same knowledge-base that a “core” shop has. If you know what you are looking for, then this isn’t really much of an issue at a Mall Store; they either have it, or they don’t. If however, you have some questions, the people at the Mall Store may not be able to answer all of them. Of course, I am generalizing here. Some “core” skate shops have employees that are ultra dolts, and there are also some very knowledgeable skaters that work at Zummies and Vans stores.  

Be prepared to catch some heat if you mention shopping at a Mall Store to other skaters. I would recommend that you never mention getting equipment at Mall Store while you are actually INSIDE a skater-owned shop. This may seems obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people can’t keep their feet out of their mouth. It’s better just to avoid those awkward situations.

On-Line shops also vary a bit, too. Some are skater-owned, some are not. SoCal Skate Shop seems to have less of a selection than they used to, but are still worth checking out. Old Skull Skateboards is great, too, but much smaller. Tactics and Skate Warehouse both have huge selections (beware Tactics tech specs on decks, etc...they can sometimes be incorrect. Always check against manufacture websites) are also a good place to shop on-line. Again, I would caution mentioning that you bought stuff on-line while/when you are actually in a “core” shop. 


                    General Interactions (On-Line, the Park, the Shop, Local Curb, etc.)

When older and/or returning skaters interact with other skaters (ones who never quit, or skaters who are much younger) there are few things to avoid saying or doing. These are things that generally rub people the wrong way, and can get you off on the wrong foot. That said, these are just guidelines. At some point, I have broken every single one of these “rules” myself, and can easily think of examples where it might a good idea to do the exact opposite everything stated below. However, if you do heed these “warnings,” you’ll never go wrong.

First, nobody cares how good you used to be, or who you used to skate with. This usually comes across as some washed-up braggart who is desperately trying to remain relevant. Live in the collective present, not your personal past. People care about what positive energy you can bring to TODAY’S session, not some cool-guy shit you (maybe) did twenty-years ago.  

Second, don’t bash modern skating (or go on about “how much better it was back in the day”) to people you are not friends with. Skateboarding evolved, and you got left behind. If you don’t like, or can’t relate, to modern “flippy shit,” huge rails, big gaps, popsicle shaped decks, modern parks, etc., that’s great. However, like it or not, that is the state of modern skating, and a lot of people are stoked on that. When you bash stuff other people like, you are probably coming across as a pretentious dinosaur with a bad attitude. No ones like that dude. If you know your audience, by all means, bash away. However, spewing that stuff off to random people (in person OR on-line) is just going to leave a bad taste. Focus on the positive, not the negative.

Third, don’t hate on people who wear pads. Conversely, if you wear pads, don’t be a Public Safety Evangelist. Both of these people suck. People who wear pads often fall into one of three categories. First, is the Evangelist. He thinks it’s insane that anyone would even look at a skateboard without full gear on. Worse, is when he tries to convert everyone to his pad-religion. This dude sucks. Never be him. Second, is Mr. Insecurity. This is the guy who feels really self-conscious about wearing pads. As a result, he has to constantly explain to everyone around him about why he has them on (past injury, can’t miss work, wife makes him, etc.). 99% of the time, no one as asked why he is wearing pads, but he feels the need to constantly broadcast in case anyone was wondering. The last type is Mr. Zen. This is the guy you want to be. He never mentions his gear unless it comes up naturally in conversation. He is not trying to convert anyone. He is not trying to justify himself. He is comfortable in his own skin. The truth is, no one really cares if you wear pads or not, and Mr. Zen knows that, so he doesn’t awkwardly force the issue into the spotlight. If you don’t like pads, that’s great. Good for you. Keep that to yourself and don’t act like some big tough guy (you’re not) just because someone else has them on, and you don’t. In any of these situations, you do you, and let others do themselves. Everyone is better off this way.   

Fourth, don’t act all “hardcore,” now that you’ve been back on the board for two weeks. People can smell a “poser” a mile away. Don’t become what you once hated.

Fifth, Thrasher t-shirts, Vans, DC Shoes, etc. are all now mainstream fashion. You may not like it, but that game is over. Complaining that non-skaters are now wearing skate brands it is just going to make you sound really out of touch with reality, as if you were complaining that someone wearing a New York Yankees shirt didn't actually play baseball, or may not even be a real fan of the game.

Sixth, wax can be a very controversial topic. If you are anywhere other skaters are actively skating, and you want to wax something, make sure you ask others first. People will be pissed if you over wax something. First, maybe throw some wax on your board rather than the ledge. If you are skating alone somewhere, use as much wax as you want (but lacquer is often a much better option, esp. on curbs).

Seventh, a note on the word “build" in regards to your skateboard (e.g. look at my new “build”). I would encourage you to never use this term. “Build” is a term used by collectors (who often do not skate), and random old-dudes on-line who are totally out of touch with skate culture. The term "build" is never used by actual skateboarders. You know how you can instantly tell when someone is from out of town, because they mispronounce the name of a common street, store, city, etc.? That’s what it sounds like when the term “build” is used--you immediately identify yourself as "non-skater" when you use that term. Never let it cross your lips. 


                                                                  At the Park

A few “rules” for the skate park, spot, ramp, etc.

First, don’t be a sheep! You have as much right to be there anyone else! Just because someone better than you suddenly starts skating the bowl, curb, ledge, bank, etc. it does NOT mean you should stop skating, or let him get a run whenever he wants. Rather, I would argue it’s MORE of reason to take your turn/turn/etc. On the flip side, realize that a total beginner (or someone else just starting again) might be really intimidated by your ability. Smile. Be kind. Talk to people. Make them feel comfortable, no matter who they are, or what their ability is.  Finally, parks can get really busy after school and on weekends. Early mornings are the best time to go if you want to avoid crowds, cross traffic, and small kids on scooters who have zero situational awareness.

Second, you’ll be shocked at how good even the locals have become. Go to a local park, and you’ll see kids doing stuff that will probably blow your mind.

Last, and I hope this one is obvious, if you are at a skate park, be mindful of others. By that, I mean pay attention to where you are standing, sitting, and skating. You don't want to be sitting on a "bench" someone is trying to skate. You don't want to be standing at the base of gap someone is trying to ollie, or standing too close to the coping while someone is skating the bowl. Also, PICK UP YOUR TRASH!


                                                              Follow YOUR OWN Stoke

Hate modern boards, can’t relate to huge rails, and despise super tech ledge skating? No problem. Just ignore that stuff and find/follow what gets YOU stoked to skate. Watch old videos on YouTube that used to get you amped-up. Check out the Thrasher Archive for your old favorite issues (ALL of the 80s and early 90s issues are fully scanned, cover to cover). Look around on Facebook and Instagram and you will find tons of other people doing the exact kind of skating that YOU relate to, and motivates you to get out there on the board. Social Media sucks on many levels, but it can also be pure stoke. As I said before, the Golden Age of skateboarding is happening right NOW—there is something for everyone, and yes, that includes YOU.


                                                          Maintain a Positive Attitude

Last, and most important, remember that skateboarding is supposed to be fun. Don’t take it, or yourself, too seriously. However, sometimes that positive attitude can be hard to maintain, and anxiety around injury, or being around other skaters can cause some problems. Part 4 of this series talks about those exact issues.  

Wednesday, April 15, 2020

Small Victories

Writing something down transforms abstract concept into something more concrete. It makes dismissal and repudiation a harder task. Moreover, it is acknowledgement and admission that something occurred. It provides for recognition. 

My relationship with skateboarding has been quite strained recently. It has been creating far more frustration than joy. This mood is spilling over into other aspects of my life. I am probably not a fun person to be around right now.

The problem is expectation, reality, and the vast, empty chasm between. It has been eleven months since I broke my leg. I expected to be much, much further along the so-called “recovery process” this late in the game. I thought I’d be able to skate a 4’ mini ramp again by now. I am nowhere near that (ankle could not handle running out of a bail with that much force). I thought my ankle would be strong enough/flexible enough to do nollies again. It isn’t close. I have to wear pads to skate a curb. I thought I’d be able to jog/run by now. I cannot.  Stairs can be difficult. These are but just a few examples. There are many more. Worse, I do not know if it is reasonable to think things will improve much beyond what they are now. A broken leg is troublesome, but loss of hope is what really cripples. I find myself incredibly…frustrated. I try not to have any expectations from the past, to stay in the moment, and enjoy skateboarding for what it is now, here, today…and to not be clouded by ghosts from before. It is not an easy road.  

So, how to push through this? I posted something about it on social media the other day. I got a lot of feedback from people. Two things stuck with me. First, was something Jim T. posted a few hours later.



The other was a comment someone made directly to me on Instagram.

Dude, you broke your leg and had two surgeries on a key component to your skateboarding. It’s gonna take time, and progress is progress, regardless of how frail it looks. It’s easy to let shadow overcome light when you know what you are capable of at 100%. Allow yourself small victories. Build on those. Enjoy growing into a new skater.” 

Allow yourself small victories.” 

I bought a small note book today. About 3” x 5”. On the cover I wrote in small (but bold), black, block letters “SMALL VICTORIES”. I will bring it with me every time I go skateboarding. It will serve as a ledger, a journal, a register of, well, my small skateboard victories.

I repeat myself. Writing something down transforms abstract concept into something more concrete. It makes dismissal and repudiation a harder task. Moreover, it is acknowledgement and admission that something occurred. It provides for recognition. 

Before I can allow myself small victories, I first need to recognize and admit they even occurred, no matter how small they are. To that end, I now have pages to fill.         



Sunday, March 29, 2020

Managing My Now

You no longer have any restrictions, but you will certainly have some limitations. What those are, and how you manage them, is for you to figure out.

These words from my orthopedic surgeon run through my mind daily. My ankle is still fucked. It will never be 100% again. The question is just how much I will regain, and how long that will take. It is still quite weak. It has limited flexibility. It hurts if quickly come down on it with a lot of force (e.g. running, “running out” of a trick, landing Primo, etc.). Stairs are difficult.

What does this mean for skateboarding?

The short version is that;
(1) There are a lot of tricks I can no longer do at all,
(2) There are a lot of basic tricks that are really sketchy/scary to do, and
(3) My ability to do “controlled falling” is not what it used to be.

I can not skate transition over 2’ high, because I can’t run out of bail with that much force coming down on my ankle, and it isn’t reasonable to think I’d be able to just knee slide out of everything. Nollies, switch ollies, etc., those are gone. Ankle just isn’t strong enough for them. Even regular ollies are weird, because my ankle does not have the fine motor skills anymore to guide the board with exact precision. Right now I am mostly just doing stall tricks on curbs/low ledges, and slappies, to get the muscle (new) memory going. Small transition is just basic lip tricks. Independent of my ankle, I have not seriously skated in nine months. The rest of my body also has to become reacquainted to the demands of skateboarding. So, there is a lot going on right now.


                                                GOALS & EXPECTATIONS

I realize that I will probably never again skate like I once could. I return to skating with no expectations from before. That said, my goal is to skate at a level that is meaningful to me. Carving around a parking lot, with no tricks, is not going to cut it. So, the question becomes what is a “meaningful level”? As of now, my goals/hopes are:

-Basic curb tricks (slides, grinds, etc.)
-Basic tricks on very small transition (2’ and under)
-Carve around in bigger bowls

If I can get to that level, with some degree of consistency, I’ll be happy. And I feel fairly confident I will be able to—it just may take awhile. A dream situation would be to skate a 4’ mini ramp again.


                                                 STRETCHING / WARMING UP

My entire body, not just my ankle, needs to get in shape again. I have become really stiff. I need to stretch on a daily basis not just for ankle physical therapy, but to help with everything else, too. Before skating I now have to spend at least 5-8 min stretching out. This is not only to help get my ankle loose, but to help prevent strains, pulls, tears, etc. to other parts of my body. 


                                                                 PADS

There is a metal plate and screw in my lower leg/ankle. Even slight taps to that area cause tremendous pain. The scar tissue/incision area is really sensitive, and when the plate gets hit…game over. And as any skateboarder knows, getting hit in the ankle with your board (even lightly) is a very, very, very common thing. So, I need to add some protection to that area. I got a kid’s soccer shin pad, which fits right over the area and protects it nicely.

I cannot fully “run out” of bails. This causes me to fall sometimes on occasions that I never would have fallen before. My ankle sometimes betrays me, and causes me to collapse in pain (e.g. during a failed “run out,” or if I bail and land on foot with too much force/at an angle, etc.).

Because my ankle is weak, slow, and stiff right now, I no longer have the same capacity to do “controlled falling” (to the extent I ever did before). We all know that “controlled falling” is an essential skill to skateboarding. Sometimes I go down in very awkward ways now.

Then there is the “mental game.” I will be 100% honest—a lot of skateboarding scares me right now. Fear of reinjury to my ankle. Fear of serious injury to some other part of my body because I can’t properly fall because of my ankle. Reinjury Anxiety is a REAL thing.

So, the obvious conclusion here is that for the near future I absolutely should be wearing knee/elbow pads anytime a “run out” might be required. Grinds, slides, transition, etc. Yet, I haven’t always done so. Somewhere in my head I hear this voice saying, “You don’t need pads to skate a curb or a 2’ tall quarter-pipe.” Truth is, right now I actually do. Maybe there is also some level of shame in there, too? I’m not sure what it is all about. I just know what logic tells me to do verses what I actually do. Sometimes there is a gap between those two. I’m working on that. 






Thursday, March 19, 2020

A Quck Recovery Update

It’s been awhile since I updated about recovery, skating, hockey, etc. With the world gripped by Corona Virus, looks like I’ve got some time on my hands.

MEDICALLY
On December 20th, 2019 I had another surgery. Some hardware was removed from my ankle, and they scrapped out some internal scar tissue. Hopes were this would make my ankle more flexible and functional. Up to this point, things were not progressing as fast as anyone would have hoped. I was cleared to skate again (within reason) on Feb 19th, 2020. Orthopedic surgeon made a very poignant comment. “You no longer have any restrictions, but you will certainly have limitations. What those are, and how you manage them, is up to you to find out.” That is actually good life advice.

ACTIVITY
My ankle is still fucked-up. Maybe better than before the second surgery, but nowhere near what it was before the break. It will probably never be 100% again. The question remains just how much I will get back, and how long that will take. I am skateboarding again (very low impact, and no tranny over 2’ high). I am back on the hockey (in-line) skates, but haven’t been back on the ice yet. For short distances, I can “run” (light jog) in a very fucked-up way. In the near future I will make another post which is specifically about what I can/cannot do with skateboarding at this point.

MENTALLY
First, I still have a lot of “reinjury anxiety.” It’s a real thing. That will take quite some time to go away (if it ever fully does). Second,  I am very happy to be skating again, even at limited capacity.

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

2019: Thank God It Is Over

2019 was one of the hardest years of my life. I supposed I should take a moment to reflect on it. It was marred with emotional, physical, and existential pain. A few of the “highlights” include my mom having another back surgery, a friend’s father dying, a bad kidney stone (and subsequent surgery to remove it), my car died (for good), a second major surgery for my mom (hip replacement), a pet put down, a friend’s sister committed suicide, some problems at work, and taking care of my increasingly elderly and disabled parents alone. If that wasn’t enough, I broke my leg in late May. It didn’t heal all that well, and I had a second surgery on 12/20 to remove hardware and scrape out internal scare tissue (hopefully increase its flexibility). I will be in a “boot” until at least Jan 6th. It remains to be seen what the outcome will be. The entire year has been a very humbling experience. The biggest sources of stress were, and remain, (1), will I be able to meaningfully skateboard again (and if not, then what becomes of my life), (2) general concern for my parents, (3) anxiety about my own future. It’s certainly been a bad year.

That said, it has not been all bad. In February I started the process of learning to play ice hockey. Granted, I hit a huge speed bump with the broken leg. Hockey was also one of the things that helped get me through the “broken” period. I was able to start dry land hockey stuff long before I could even hope of stepping on a skateboard again. So, I am really fortunate that I had that as an outlet. It’s been bittersweet, however. I was not able to take two different “Learn to Play” classes because of the injury. I should be much further along in this process than I am already.

The two best things that happened in 2019 were that (1) I had some great friends who helped keep me occupied, and positive during the worst of the “crippled” period, and (2) I spent a lot of time with my parents (for better or worse). I am very grateful for those two things.

I leave 2019 behind, not with any resentment or ill-will, but with a greater sense of gratitude and humility for daily life than I ever had before. I have a few hopes for 2020. They are:

(1)    Ride my skateboard and bike as much as I can
(2)    Continue learning hockey
(3)    Develop an even deeper understanding of what it means to find salvation in daily life
(4)    Spend quality time with friends and family

I wish all of you a healthy, happy, and meaningful New Year.